What's So Good About Marriage?

For one thing, marriage offers security for couples to grow together. Some couples think it's better to live together than to get married because they're not sure they'll always love each other. After all, people change. But change doesn't mean we have to grow apart. Of course, marriage is no guarantee that couples won't separate. But it starts us off on the right foot: It declares an acceptance of each other through all the changes that life will bring. That's a tremendous gift. Who wants to stay the same for fear their partner will leave? How much better to know that you have a life-long friend and lover through all the seasons of life. As William Shakespeare penned:

Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.

As we change, marriage also offers stability for us to mature. On one hand, marriage shows us that we are not as good as we think we are, and more in need of grace than we deserve. On the other hand, marriage provides a stable context to work on the flaws in our character. Marriage exposes us, humbles us, breaks us, and in the process transforms us. It changes us from selfish people to sacrificial ones. For example, I used to think that I was patient. Marriage has revealed a lot about my weaknesses. Change has not been quick (in fact, I'm still in process). The beauty of marriage is that husband and wife stick with each other through the long haul of learning and maturing.

One more good thing about marriage is that it offers safety for couples to be vulnerable with each other. We all want someone with whom we can be totally honest - emotionally, spiritually and physically. That kind of intimacy only happens where there is commitment, because commitment fosters trust. Randy Newman calls it "a relaxing oneness." An arrangement where one partner can opt out at any time is not the best soil for trust. In fact, if you change partners often enough, there'll be more cynicism than intimacy. Someone might argue that a "piece of paper" (a marriage license) doesn't create trust. That's true. But marriage isn't just a piece of paper. It is two people coming together in a lifelong commitment. That kind of commitment is what makes it safe for couples to be vulnerable with each other.

Security, maturity, intimacy. It seems to me that human beings still long for these things. Maybe the Bible isn't so irrelevant after all. Maybe there are important reasons for its teachings. God designed marriage to be a good thing. Sure it takes a lot of work - any good relationship does. But it also has a lot of rewards.